The past two weeks have been quite interesting for not only me but those around me. Our existing and none existing love lives taught me an important lesson about love, growing and moving on. It has made me realize that as much as love is kind, love is patient, it’s also a lot more than that.
Falling for someone is like cooking a new dish for the first time. Unless you are a professional chef it will not come out perfectly. Sometimes you burn the dish and you have to throw it away regardless of how much effort you put into it. You just have to let go. As much as you thought that you had the right idea, sometimes it just doesn’t turn out the way you expect it to. Falling in and out of love has taught me that it’s okay when someone does not choose me. Maybe I just wasn’t their cup of tea and that’s fine. They wanted more or less of me and it’s something I couldn’t give them. It does not make me any less of a person. Yes I’ll feel terrible at first but it always ends in acceptance and peace. Every single time.
As we grow older the dating scene becomes wilder. For starters it’s having to choose among all the men pursuing you. My biggest weakness has always been focusing on the one guy I think is right for me even if it feels like a losing battle. Even when in the end, they don’t choose me. Then the struggle to let go begins. They slowly slip away from your mind and one day you just wake up and they’re are just a distant memory and you have to start over again. The trick is in taking note of past mistakes. Like expecting too much, over promising and not following through. The hardest breakup is with someone that was never yours. Because you never knew and will never know if they really wanted you. If everything was real. The truth is you can’t recall when it all fell apart. It just does.
But one thing about me. I’ll never stop looking for love because it brings out the best in me. Unfortunately I will never be the same lover I was when I had my first boyfriend at 15 but I try because love is like a treasure. Sometimes the map (heart) leads us astray but eventually we’ll get to the right chest. Loving comes easy because I know what it’s like to be unloved and I do not want someone to ever go through that. I would never intentionally break a heart because heartache almost shattered me. So I choose to love.
Love is waking up in the morning with one person on your mind. It’s just wanting to be with them even though you know you have to keep your distance because God forbid clingy is declared attractive. Love is going through old messages, replaying old voice notes just to hear their voice over and over again and smiling at every memory they bring you. It’s looking at their picture when you feel a bit sad because they bring sunshine into your life. That bit of light you need to navigate through the day. Love is choosing them even when you feel like no one is looking out for you because sometimes we feel lonely but they’re always there to keep you company. It’s picturing all the amazing memories you can have together and how beautiful each moment will be. Love is always being there for them even on their worst day. Love is also letting go, because what is yours will always come back to you.
How do I know I am loved? To me, love is attention. It’s remembering that I had a certain goal I needed to reach and being reminded each and every day that my dreams are valid. Love is showing me that you were thinking of me. It could be a cute message or a call because not everything is materialistic. Love is not over promising. Don’t commit to something if you are not going to follow through because that little girl inside of me does not need any more disappointments. Love to me is a lot of support. I can never have enough pillars in my life. I need someone I can count on on my best and worst day.
Love is the answer in a sea of questions. You need love and you deserve love. It doesn’t matter who hurt you and how much it almost killed you. Love always wins. Accept it. Don’t punish yourself.