“It’s okay to not be okay”

That is something I will keep telling myself every single time I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders.

It’s true when they say that you should always say something positive or process positive thoughts before you go to bed. I forgot to do that yesterday and woke up feeling heavier than the weight of the world. Firstly, I woke up late and almost missed my morning jog because I needed to do my laundry before leaving for work. Then I did my laundry feeling completely numb. To be honest I was holding back tears. Like I said, everything felt heavy. I tried

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Imagine what my family would think if they saw me crying out of the blue. I was processing a lot of thoughts whilst being completely calm. I was acting fine, in fact I looked fine but there were a thousand voices screaming inside me. All because I told myself that this life thing is getting kind of boring. We can all agree that this is the worst thing one can tell themselves. There is a lot that I should be grateful for but everything that I am doing now scares me. There are so many what if’s and if I do not pose to tell myself that I am doing enough and I can do it, that I deserve good things and am worthy of each and every achievement, my world might just fall apart.

This might not make sense, most of what I’ve written might not make sense but the bottom line is I had a tough weekend that was filled with a dozen incomplete tasks and no breaks. My body is running on less oxygen and more caffeine and balancing everywhere feels like I am one of those guys who balance plates on sticks. It’s not easy being an adult.

I am fine now but I had to write something to get this all off my chest. Goodnight.

Love and light always.

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