This thought has been racing through my mind all day. Ever since I started the no dating for 95 days challenge I just realized that there were a lot of times when I allowed people to toy with my life. Yes, my life. Do not get me wrong but our generation has normalized a lot of toxicity and for a long time I tolerated it but this challenge has been an eye opener for me.

It first started when I joined Tinder. I met a guy and we really clicked and then we both agreed that we had just got out of toxic relationships and we should take it slow. Turns out our definitions of slow are different because he turned into a ghost, I don’t like being haunted plus I have nothing but respect for the dead. I did however replay our conversations and what we had talked about during that short period. That’s when it occurred to me that I have a problem. Yes, I am so quick to create space for people in my life whilst people are so quick to pack up and leave me. This is not something I think I would have learnt if I did not take up this challenge. This has happened with several other guys before and it always leaves me feeling like I have done something wrong. Maybe it’s my face, my body, the way I talk, my lack of something or the way I am. I just hate feeling like that and it proved to me that I give men way more power than they deserve and this is coming from me, a retired feminist.(I will talk about that later)

So this new me, the new self I am trying to create after this challenge chooses love. Not just being with someone but with someone that needs me. This is because I know that when I meet the right person I will have my pom-poms and cheerleader outfit ready to hype up my man. I am supportive when I am in love. That’s the feeling I am chasing. I wanna be so in love that people think my man gave me a love portion. Have him be the only person on my mind all day and have someone to talk to all the time. It doesn’t have to be every minute and I want us to be on each other’s priority list. Here me out, I am tired of being in a relationship for the sake of it. I have exorcised all the ghosts in my life and I am not going to be conjuring up anymore.

 

Please and thank you.

 

 

 

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