Yes, you read that right. I am off the dating market. You are probably wondering who the lucky guy is right? Well there is no guy. I just need time to focus on myself. Finding love is not easy guys. You meet a guy and he is amazing for the first week or two and then all of a sudden turns into the person you did not expect them to be. Then there is the one that does not understand you. I have seen people experience a fairytale romance but I have never had that. I might not be a materialistic person and definitely not the type to bank on another person’s money but I wanna be spoiled too. When it comes to thinking about love, my mind is all over the place. I cannot stop thinking about the perfect person for me and I feel like it’s driving me crazy. This is why I need a break.

The dating scene has never been kind to me and this is why I need a break. For the next 95 days I will be taking time to love myself and to learn how to love others as well. That means no dating, flirting or leading anyone on. It also means I won’t replying dms as I usually do. To be frank, I need time to heal. There is a huge wound on my heart that another relationship will not fix.

I do not think I know how I want to be loved which is why I am taking this journey to find out. I still believe that somewhere out there is an amazing guy that speaks my love language. I do not want to rush this time. It’s time I allowed myself to use the power to say yes and no. Funny how sometimes I was just dating without someone actually asking me out properly. After all this I do not ever want to use the line, “What are we?”.

To make this work I will be mending my relationship with God and reading books on how to make a relationship work. Wish me luck huns.

Till 22/05/21, Love will find me.

I will live by these words until I find the one.

“but bein alive & bein a woman & bein colored is a metaphysical
dilemma/ i haven’t conquered yet/ do you see the point
my spirit is too ancient to understand the separation of soul & gender/ my love is too delicate to have thrown back on my face

my love is too delicate to have thrown back on my face

my love is too beautiful to have thrown back on my face

my love is too sanctified to have thrown back on my face

my love is too magic to have thrown back on my face

my love is too Saturday nite to have thrown back on my face

my love is too complicated to have thrown back on my face

my love is too music to have thrown back on my face”
― Ntozake Shange, For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf

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