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It took me five years to date again only for the relationship to last four months. After gallons of tears and a lot of chocolate ice cream I finally realized why it ended. I was trying to fill a void so bad I fractured my own heart and God knows how long I have to wait again because I don’t know what to do about this. How to fix this broken heart. I was chasing a feeling and if you are reading this, don’t do this. 

The reason why my relationship crumbled was because I wanted him to be my ex so bad I never loved him fully for who he was. I wanted him to be the one that wakes up first with some cheesy poem and then we sleep at 3am talking about how boring the world is but less dull because we’re together. I wanted him to take the lead, being the one to initiate everything drained me – most of it. It’s unfair to try to get someone to act like another person when all they want to do is love you. I guess my heart is broken because I had too many expectations from him. He came from a normal family and I expected him to relate to mine like the other guy did. I turned him into some project. I thought I’d hocus pocus him into the parts of my ex I loved.

I want to continue writing but I’m so overwhelmed with emotions right now. I’m grateful for Varie, Chiedza*2, Ancillar, Rue and Brooke for being there for me. I’ll be fine fam ❤️

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