Yes, I was sexually assaulted. Twice. The first time I was in form one and one of my classmates grabbed my ass and squeezed it harder than a person preparing orange juice. I froze. I froze for minutes and everyone just stared at me. He did not even care that we were in class or people were watching. All he wanted was to impress his boys. I kept telling myself that we were both teenagers so it was nothing serious. I cried mostly because I was embarrassed and not because I knew it was actually assault. A few days later I decided to report him. I went to the senior teacher and told her everything and since I had witnesses I expected justice. But I never received it. This was a school trying to protect its reputation and I guess a sexual assault scandal was not what they wanted. She just called him in and asked him to apologize. He did and laughed in my face 10 minutes later. She had created a monster. I remember my sister crying and hugging me when she heard what had happened. It helped. I healed. 

The second time I was much older, smarter and yet still vulnerable. I was a whole prefect, with all my colors and badges decorating my cream blazer. When you’re 17, you want to be all these amazing things in the world but not a sexual assault victim, again. We were coming from a field trip when we stopped by Food Lovers to grab food. Mind you, this was a different school. A rumor had spread about me the previous week and just when I was getting over there he walked over to me in the store with his friend. I honestly thought he wanted to talk about the field trip, or the food or the weather. Anything but the rumor. Then he started talking about it, went behind me – we were by the snacks aisle – and he got closer and closer and closer until I could feel his whole body against my back and he started rubbing himself on me asking if I liked what he was doing better than with the other guy. It could’ve been short but it felt like an hour before he pulled back. His friend just laughed and I wanted to cry. But if I cried people were going to start asking questions and because of the rumor, people were going to assume I initiated it. 

I told my friend only. She’s the only one I could tell, the only person than would let me cry and let it out. I just wanted to finish high school and get it over with. Sometimes I tell myself it was just assault and not rape so I should get over it. It’s not. 

I was sexually assaulted when I was 15 and 17. I tried to conceal the pain and the shame. Sometimes I can still feel the foreign touch on my body. It’s a disgusting feeling. I pray everyday that my little sisters and daughters don’t face the same. This is me writing about it years later because I didn’t talk to enough people to get the healing I needed.