I want to heal so much I don’t think or even consider writing such blog posts. My soul craves this wholeness that I think I can achieve through my online diary. Should I blame him?
To be honest I don’t want to be like this. Slipping back into a space that reminds me of a painful phase of my life. Remember when Taylor Swift talked about her best friend Abigirl in 15? Well I’m Abigirl.
“Then Abigirl gave everything she had to a boy, who changed his mind.
We both cried”
My friend Rutendo and I both cried and it’s still my favorite memory of us. She was there for me on the worst day of my life. My second breakup. We were coming back from A chess tournament that was hosted by Arundel and my sister sent me a text that read, “He said he wants out”. It was on Rue’s phone because I didn’t have my phone at school. We were both staying at the school hostel.
I was so confused. We had had a great conversation the previous night and we never had problems. Besides the distance. I was in love. Trust me I know what I am talking about and don’t even try to argue. He was one of my favorite people and close to being a best friend. We talked about everything and then all of a sudden he wanted out like the relationship had been a prison for him. I was heartbroken to say the least. There is a part of me that is still healing from all this and this is how my second breakup affected me:
- I still don’t believe in long distance relationship but thanks to Covid-19 I’m in one again.
- He might wake up and breakup up with me and believe me when I say I’m mentally prepared for that.
- I am always prepared to get my heart broken. Talk about damaged
- I invest 45% in a relationship. I did the math don’t worry
Healing could be around the corner. It hurts to live like this and I am happy to have friends that actually help me with my relationships. If not for them I’d be single.