Ma’am, You acted out of emotion

You know that moment when you really want to laugh about something then you realize it was really painful and you just end up bawling like a spoiled five year old that only wanted a rainbow cone. That was me a few nights ago.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to vent.

Image result for vent meme

At this point I have accepted the fact that I have only a small small circle of friends, the rest are either classmates, roommates, colleagues, church mates or relatives, and I am okay with that. Thank God for primary school and mutual friends, am I right? Friendship should not be something that leaves you evaluating your self worth especially at a time when it is so hard to wake up and live life. It’s not something that should leave you confused, sad, depressed and heartbroken.

I’ll start with a flashback……

On my first day of university I made a friend and I really saw her as one of my bridesmaids and the god mother to my babies and vice versa. We were almost like sisters and we had a lot of disagreements but we always managed to fix them. Truth be told, I feel like I am the one that always apologized or started the conversation. This time was different. All I remember is waking up and Sister Holy was not talking to me anymore. The worst part of it all was the fact that I had exams. You’ve never looked stupid until you walk up to someone all smiles and then they just give you a frozen shoulder. Since I am “Mrs never-had-a-man-before” I thought she had had a fight with her boyfriend and needed space. I am not good with relationship advice and that was my first guess honestly. A day turned into almost four months of bat, not even a birthday message. She did not even post me on her status on my birthday, that’s when I thought I knew I had done something drastic. We are talking about four months of nothing.

At first I ignored it, it hurt but I am one person that has learnt to either hide her pain or decorate it in social media posts, amazing right?

We actually used to be a trio and I remember asking the other friend, what I had done wrong but she kept on stalling and it worsened my anxiety. I was now worried, these were like my only friends on campus (talk about putting your eggs in one basket). I tried guessing what I had done. Maybe I had…

  • Said something mean about her unaware and somehow it had reached her
  • Abandoned her when she needed me this most (overnight??)
  • Her boyfriend said I had tried to flirt with him (I don’t trust three legged creatures)
  • The friendship was not working for her

Part of me actually thought it was the last part and so after four months, I decided to be the bigger person and apologize. Econet had just reviewed its tariffs for the third time and I texted her, (WhatsApp futi??)

First I wished her a happy belated birthday, thanked her for everything she had done for me and apologized for God knows what I had done. Since I had been getting the silent treatment I did not expect a reply. To my surprise I did, she said she was also wrong for not telling me what I had done wrong. I almost had a heart attack when she finally told me what I had done wrong.

Maduo a ditshwantsho a heart attack gif

Help me here, maybe I am overreacting.

Imagine someone not talking to you for over four months because you were rude to them when they tried to wake you up. Women will never cease to amaze me. I clearly had had a rough day and did not want to be woken up. I laughed and cried, mostly crying because tests and assignments were showing me flames and all of me was tired. But past is past, I am over it. The last message I sent her was;

“Don’t worry about me, I wish you all the best in your life”

And as you might have guessed, sis did turn into to a WhatsApp poet and went on to preach on and on about how some people are not meant to be in her story.

Maybe she missed the part where I was human and was also created with feelings. Maybe I am not much of a morning person and I should greet people with hugs and kisses when I wake up especially when I have exams to study for, orders to deliver and appointments. She did not consider how four months would make me realize that I have people who love me thrice as much as she thought she did because they were there for me. My former roommates for example.

I could not even think straight when I was writing this because I was hurt and I am failing to express myself and how the whole situation made me feel. Deep down I still feel like there was more to the silence. She treated me like I was a stray dog in her life for four months and if that is not wrong then I do not what to know what she considers right.

But I forgave her.

I value my peace of mind and no friendship is worth that. Not even family. Peace is so important and bad energy just doesn’t help.

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